Falling Away Read online

  Whatever the reason for my lack of fight, Evan took it as cooperation. My eyes reopened and immediately connected with his, and the longing hunger they screamed. Both hands covered my cheeks now, and he pulled me in the rest of the way, his lips more aggressive this time. They were still light and gentle, but needy, like he’d held it in so long he couldn’t stand it anymore, his moan signaling the release of pent up anguish within.

  A whimper escaped my own mouth. If the relay was working between my brain and lips, then they refused to accept the command to stop, that this uninvited, unprovoked, horribly offensive…wonderful, beautiful, seductive sensation caused by his luscious lips was wrong.

  I gasped as we were pushed violently apart, Robert’s screaming echoing in my stuffy ears, like an unforgiving game of ping pong between two champion competitors. “What the fuck?” But his attention was more on Evan, who he continued to shove backwards. Not wanting to engage – ‘cause we all knew he was guilty as hell right now – Evan’s hands were thrust up in surrender, but Robert shoved until Evan’s back hit flat against the brick wall.

  “Wait. Stop!” I cried as I pulled on Robert’s arm, desperately trying to separate the two.

  “Stop?” he mocked, his face glowering in disbelief. “You mean that action you couldn’t seem to do yourself a few seconds ago?” That threw me, ‘cause I knew he was dead on right, and I stuttered over a few incoherent syllables. He turned back to Evan, who still hadn’t moved, though his arms finally fell to his sides. “Tell me,” Robert demanded, “Did you know she had a boyfriend before you did that?”

  Evan stared silently for a moment before answering coolly, “Sorry, mate.”

  Oh, crap. I saw it coming but could do nothing to stop it. Robert’s fist connected with Evan’s jaw so hard his head spun around and crashed into the wall.

  Robert stepped back, fuming. “Sorry, mate,” he spat. “I knew punching you was morally wrong and all, but I still decided to try it anyway.”

  Evan cradled his jaw and rotated back, his temple scratched and bloodied from kissing the brick.

  “Oh my God,” I said, pushing past Robert to check Evan’s head, ignoring the endless stares of lookey-loos as they did nothing passing by, continuing on their way, as if this show happened at the top of every hour in this very spot. “Damn it, Robert. You’re rightfully pissed, but Evan’s had enough head trauma in his life.”

  “Wait,” Robert said as Evan allowed me to dab the end of my scarf to soak up the blood that dripped down his cheek. “This is the guy you went to see last month? Are you shitting me?”

  I threw him a nasty glare. “So what? I thought we agreed I could be friends with anyone I chose.”

  “Yeah. So long as he’s not trying to shove his tongue down your throat.” He moved in again, his eyes fixed hard on Evan, who met his glare with equal hostility. But it turned out he wasn’t going for Evan. He was coming for me. His face mere inches from mine, he firmly asked, “Have you ever kissed him before, or was this really the first time?”

  My body recoiled into itself, my mind searching hard for the right words. “No,” I stammered. And although I spoke the truth – ‘cause Evan and I never had kissed outside that dream world – my conscience, who knew those dream feelings were legit, totally ratted me out by shaking, making it sound like I was lying.

  “You know what?” Robert threw his hands up and backed away. “Never mind. She’s all yours. I’m done.”

  “What? Robert!” I cried, dropping my scarf and following his quickening retreat. “Stop!”

  He didn’t. He turned his back on me, climbed the stairs to our building and disappeared inside. I turned to Evan. “What the hell was that? What were you thinking?”

  He pushed off and invaded my personal space once more, causing me to lean away in retreat. Now I felt the urge to shove his ass against the wall. “After everything we had, did you really think I wouldn’t come for you?”

  “It wasn’t real, Evan. You can’t go screwing with what actually is. And don’t I get a say in this? Shouldn’t I be able to choose for myself, and not have you doing something stupid like that to jeopardize my relationship?”

  “I’ll admit that didn’t go as planned.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I mocked, crossing my arms as I glared at him. Clearly, my anger amused him, as that wicked half-smile slowly began to curve. “What exactly was your plan?”

  God, I hated the charm behind his smile, the seduction behind those eyes, the way his face could do this sexy smolder thing, and the way they were all chipping away at the grudge I was trying desperately to hold on to.

  “Well…it involved me telling you I finally remembered everything we had, declaring my love for you, you throwing yourself into my arms, maybe you throwing me up against that wall in a heat of passion, dumping your boyfriend for me…”

  “Uh-huh,” I muttered, not amused.

  “But your boyfriend was never in any of the scenarios I ran through my head.”

  I sighed, long and heavy, my eyes drifting to the frozen concrete below, shaking my head.

  But even the softness of his voice wasn’t enough to reel me in tonight. “Jenna?”

  His hand reached out for my cheek but I stepped away. “No. I’ll deal with you later, Evan. Good night.” I turned and ambled away.

  “How could you not tell me? After everything that’s happened.”

  “No way,” I snapped, twisting back at him, actually thrusting a pointed finger his way. “You don’t get to guilt me into having this conversation with you right now. Thanks to you I’ve gotta go salvage the real relationship I’ve been having.”

  “Then when are we going to talk about it, Jenna?” he asked firmly. “You don’t get to shove me under the rug this time.”

  “Go home, Evan.”

  I didn’t wait for a response, rushing through the main door and taking the stairs two at a time, my wet boots squeaking with each step. This did not just happen! Please, please, please tell me I was just stuck in some cruel and horrible nightmare and that I did not just get caught with Evan’s lips on mine. Desperation got me to pinch the skin beneath my wrist.

  Sigh…that’s what I was afraid of.

  My forehead thunked on the wall outside our apartment and rolled side to side as I prepared myself for the wrath within. Just ten minutes ago I was happily involved with the greatest guy. And now…one stupid indiscretion and I may have just lost him forever.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

  I seriously wanted to smack my head with each stupid, but figured knocking myself unconscious wasn’t gonna help see me through this mess. Robert was stalking through the living room when I entered, stuffing random items into a duffel. I wasn’t really familiar with that pissed off look, and was kinda scared that I caused it. “What are you doing?” I asked meekly.

  “Like I’m staying here with you tonight.”

  “Robert. Come on. It’s not what you think.”

  “That your mouth was pressed against a mouth that wasn’t mine? Thanks for clarifying.” He whipped past me in the living room, heading towards the bathroom. “Save the speech. I’m not interested in knowing how many times you’ve done that behind my back.” Objects clanged as he threw his electric razor, comb, and other random essentials haphazardly into the bag.

  “I’m sorry, alright! He surprised me! I didn’t know he was gonna do that!”

  Aghast, he retorted, “Neither did I. Yet I was still able to move my feet and have the appropriate reaction. I don’t know how long you let him touch you like that, but when I came out, it took me all but five seconds to get to you and you still hadn’t done anything.” He pushed roughly past me as I stood outside the door, then disappeared into the bedroom. Snatching random clothing from the dresser, Robert slammed the tier of drawers.

  He shoved his fingers backward through his hair as he approached me, as I was once again blocking the doorway. “You know what? I think my mother was right about you.”

  My mouth fell agap
e and I felt the anger surge within, flames readying to lick their way out from my chest. Stepping farther into the bedroom, I snapped, “Oh, now you’re just being nasty. You wanna be pissed at me for having a slow reaction, then fine, I’m guilty. But don’t you dare say your mother was right about anything. She has been nothing but a thorn in my side since the day I met her.”

  “Well, let me offer you some relief. I’ll give you the rest of the weekend to pack up your shit and get the fuck out. Problem solved.” He exited the bedroom with me on his heels, snatching his keys off the sofa table, heading for the front door.

  “Oh, you have got to be kidding me! You wanna break up over this crap? Seriously? Some guy attacks my lips without permission and you dump me for it? How do I know Anne hasn’t done that to you at some point through the years, huh?”

  “You are way too obsessed with Anne. And anyways, it’s no longer your concern whether or not she’s throwing herself at me. She’s free to do it all she wants now.”

  “Oh, so now you’re not gonna have a problem with it?”

  “Maybe not.”

  I truly wanted to smack that twisted, screw-you look he flashed before barging out the entry and slamming it behind him, vibrating the pictures now crooked on the walls. Before I could even react, he burst back through, the door slamming and bouncing off the door stop. I actually took a step back as he stalked me, scaring me a little. His brown eyes as cold as I’d ever seen, he snatched the diamond around my neck and yanked. I yelped as the chain strained and snapped against the back of my neck.

  “This,” he said, dangling the flower he designed especially for me, “stays in the family, which clearly, you’re not.”

  I made another O face, completely flabbergasted, as he bolted from the apartment once more. I grabbed the nearest pillow and let out the most vicious scream my lungs had the capacity to make.

  What the fuck?! Damn you, Evan! For ever coming into my life!

  I screamed into the pillow for awhile. Then I cried – a lot. Look, I wasn’t a naïve idiot. I knew I brought this on myself. Had I only been honest about Evan in the first place, maybe… Oh, who the hell was I kidding? There was no way I’d ever admit that dream fiasco to anyone else. Even Sophie thought I was nuts. The only person who’d ever take it as truth was Evan, and I sure didn’t wanna discuss it with him.

  So I played around in my dreams. Okay, it was wrong. But I figured it was my subconscious’ way of trying to get me comfortable in my own skin, get me to try things I was too chicken shit to do in the real world. But the moment I realized Chance was Evan in the real world, I pulled the breaks. I wasn’t that kind of person. I didn’t cheat. I loved Robert, always had. He needed time to be mad and cool off? Fine. I’d give him that space. But there was no way in hell I was letting Robert just bail on our relationship ‘cause of this.

  I packed a bag of my own. As much as I wanted to be here when he decided to come home, I really just wanted to go to Sophie’s and cry it out. It was kinda sad how little I owned. I didn’t have a thousand shoes or a closet full of trendy clothes, so what items I chose to pack seriously diminished my side of the closet. I refused to pack-pack, determined to right this wrong and get Robert to forgive me.

  I didn’t tell Sophie I was coming. Too chicken I guess. But the annoyed look on her face when she opened the front door in her pajamas told me she already knew. She probably even tried calling a few times, but my cell died on me during the night, and I had no way to charge it on the bus.

  My shoulders slumping, it wasn’t just the baggage that weighed me down now. “Oh, Sophie. I really screwed up.”

  “Yeah, I know,” she deadpanned.

  I dropped my bag and removed all the excess clothing wrapped around my body for added warmth. Sophie nodded for me to follow her into the kitchen. I liked their apartment, a modern loft close to Boston College, where they both attended. The penthouse wasn’t available when they rented, but they managed to snag the unit third from the top with an awesome view of the surrounding areas, especially out on veranda just outside the living room. And it was way bigger than the one I shared with Robert – probably ‘cause I reined him in on getting something extravagant like this.

  I winced. Shared with Robert. If I didn’t fix this mess fast, that word may stay past tense forever.

  Sophie must have seen me shiver ‘cause she immediately prepared a kettle on the stove. I pulled up one of the two barstools and laid my chin atop my crossed arms over the tan- and cream-shaded granite. Little flecks of gold scattered throughout the granite twinkled when the light hit just right.

  “So I’ve heard Robert’s version through Jhett, and you don’t come off too well in it.” Don’t think I didn’t notice the tang of bitterness in her voice.

  “Where is Jhett anyway?”

  “Yale. He left a few hours ago. Robert didn’t ask him to come, but Jhett said he could tell how upset he was, so he just went.” She pulled out her phone and began texting at lightning speed. How she did that with long nails was beyond me. “I’m gonna let them know you’re here so they won’t worry about you.”

  I snorted. “Sophie, Robert just kicked me out. I doubt he cares right now.”

  “Yes, he does. I don’t care how bad you screwed up or how mad he gets. He’s a good guy, so he’ll always care.” She put the phone aside and leaned over her side of the island, fingers thumping the granite. “So…you kissed someone else?”

  “No. Yes. No. Sort of.”

  Sophie arched one of her eyebrows, as confused as I was. “So which is it?”

  “He kissed me. I wasn’t really kissing him back but I wasn’t stopping him either. I was just really confused ‘cause it was Evan.”

  “Evan! Coma boy? You kissed him?” she screamed. “Are you nuts? What were you thinking? And why would he know where you live? Have you kept in contact with him? Jenna!”

  Wow. There was a fire in her eyes I’d never seen before, and quite frankly, didn’t wanna be the cause of ever again.

  “I didn’t keep in touch. He appeared in one of my dreams and I flipped out, okay? I found out he was in the hospital and I went to see him. He sorta remembered me at the time, and I filled him in on everything but our relationship. He must have remembered the rest later, and I don’t know how he found me. I didn’t think to ask.”

  “Sounds like you weren’t thinking period!”

  “Oh, give me a break!” I defended. God! I already knew this! “It was damage control. I was afraid the dream hopping would start up again and I wanted to make sure he knew we couldn’t do those things again. But then I realized he didn’t remember that part anyways. So I wished him well and left. Four weeks later he shows up, tells me he remembers everything and kisses me right there with Robert just inside the building. And I froze, okay? He kissed me and I froze!”

  There was a chill to the bright blue eyes boring into mine. “Did you like it?”

  “It confused me, is all.”

  “But did you like it?”

  “I didn’t not like it, okay? But do I want it to be over with Robert? No.” I welcomed the bubbling noise on the stove, as it distracted Sophie’s glare from me to the steam building within the kettle. My shoulders felt really weighed down. “Just tell me. How bad have I screwed up?”

  “Well, from what Jhett told me while packing last night, you screwed up big time. Robert thinks you’ve been screwing this guy behind his back–”

  “But I haven’t!”

  “I said that. God help me, you have fucked up on a diabolical scale, but I still defended your sorry ass.” Her bitter words cut me deep, and I felt the anger that lied within her. “I mean, seriously. What. The. Fuck. Jenna? How could you do that to him? Robert has been nothing but good to you!”

  I groaned and threw my head atop my arms, burying myself in the cool darkness. “Would you please stop?” I begged, my voice muffled. “There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already scolded myself for.”

  The tea kettle whistled, t
hen slowly faded to silence.

  “Fine. Go to sleep then. Maybe by the time you wake up I won’t be so pissed anymore.”

  Sleep sounded wonderful. But my insides were all queasy and popping like fire crackers, so it was doubtful my conscience would allow it to pass.

  I whined as I rolled side to side in bed, fighting my way out of the sleepy haze. The blackout curtains dimmed the room to a shade of midnight blue, but a whitish glow seeped around their edges. I was left wondering the time since the only clock in the room hung on the opposite wall, far from the light’s reach. I wasn’t sure how long I had slept, but after tossing and turning and crying for hours, a calmer Sophie felt pity and gave me some Nyquil to finally knock me out. It still felt heavy in my system.

  It took me five minutes, but I finally rolled out of bed. As I shuffled down the hallway, practically dragging my shoulder across the wall, I heard muffled voices. The closer I got to the kitchen, my destination for something caffeinated, the clearer the voices became.

  Jhett was back!

  Suddenly haze-free, my legs burst into motion and I bolted into the kitchen. Their conversation stopped dead mid-sentence, their attention drawn to me now. And those weren’t happy faces.

  Clearly, this was gonna be bad. I sighed and pulled the barstool next to Jhett, knowing my legs would never support me long enough to stand beside Sophie.

  “How is he?” I asked fearfully.

  Jhett, tired and stressed from the weekend, rubbed his left cheekbone repeatedly. “Um…” His eyes averted past me, looking down the hall. “I brought your computer back with me. I convinced him to leave the rest of your belongings alone until he’s had the chance to really cool off and think about it. But, you’ll probably need the computer for class before he figures all this out.”

  “Oh, my God.” Was he really breaking up with me? He couldn’t do that! I groaned as my insides began pulling themselves into a tight pretzel, and a prickly sensation filled my chest cavity. “What should I do? Should I call him? Is it bad that I haven’t called him yet? I wanted to give him time to cool off.”